Forgive and Forget

Forgive and forget.
How long have you been hearing that little phrase? If you’re anything like me… a LONG time.

And do you do it? I mean really do it. I ask because it turns out those three little words are a major key to your happiness.

Let’s start with forgiveness.

So many people I know – including me – have some trouble with that one. Here’s how I talk my brain into it:

1. Forgiving the one-who-did-me-wrong is not actually for the benefit of the “wrong do-er” (well, not totally, but we’ll get to that later). It’s a means of self-preservation.

Did you know that harboring un-forgiveness (i.e. resentment, anger, fear, contempt) undeniably sabotages the healthy functioning of your internal organs? It’s like putting sugar into your gas tank.

There are medical studies documenting the biological path from the “bad feeling” emotions to the occurrence of chronic disease, including The Big C.

Now I’m not saying you’re going to get cancer because you never forgave your cousin for taking your ice cream back when you were kids. We’re talking cumulative effects here. But believe me, this stuff can really stack up over the years.

Imagine what your kitchen floor would look like if it never got swept. (just sayin’) It’s the same for your psyche.

2. All the major religions of the world, and even the 12 Step Programs make a big deal of forgiving past wrongs.
I wonder why that is?

Maybe, because it IS a big deal.

3. Forgiving yourself. Hmmmph.
(Most folks don’t like admitting they were wrong.)

So let’s say you did something you knew was not the best course of action you could take.
Or at least, you know it now. 😉

You were dishonest.
You hurt someone.
So-o-o many possibilities.

And what about forgiving yourself for allowing someone else to take advantage or otherwise do you harm? “How could I have been so stupid?” is a pretty common exclamation.

And… it demonstrates the need for self-forgiveness.

So let’s do this thing, shall we?

Resolve to yourself and the Creator that you know better now, and will be making better choices in the future.

Now, take a DEEEEP breath.

And…

…just let it all go…..

Allow yourself to be filled and surrounded by the Light of the Universe.

Just breeeeathe….

Doesn’t that feel better?

That leads us to the forgetting part. I didn’t really understand it for a very long time. After all, if you really and truly, totally forget, how will you learn not to put yourself into that undesirable situation again?

Because you know we learn (hopefully anyway) from past situations.

That stove is HOT.
I’ll remember this, and I’ll not be touching it again.

Jesus said for us to forgive, but I don’t recall him saying we had to keep “getting into bed” with those who had harmed us.

So maybe we can look at forgetting a little differently.

Quantum physics tells us that thoughts become things. As in, thoughts are the impetus of Creation.

Besides putting a whole new spin on the results of God making humans the stewards of our planet, it also means we ought to quit thinking about the stuff we don’t want, including the bad things that have happened to us. Because the accumulated effects of those thoughts (remember the kitchen floor) bring into being the very situation we didn’t like in the first place.

But – how to forget an event that has such a powerful emotional charge to it? ah, there’s the rub.

I’ve found that, for me at least, if I can replace the yucky thinking with an exploration of the feelings in an amazingly wonderful memory (or even the desire for a future amazingly wonderful memory), then the unwanted feelings

simply…

dissolve.

The important thing is the feeling part.

Here are some examples that work for me:

• Watching my new baby open her eyes and look at me for the first time.
• That whole, tumultuous, head-over-heels, falling in love, and all that goes with it.
• The salty ocean breeze in my hair, walking barefoot across the sand, with the waves occasionally rushing in, trying to splash as much of me as they can.

The samplings above may hold no meaning for you. After all, they are MY experiences. You have your own.

Again, the most important part is to paint an awesome picture in your mind, and then to notice how you feel about it.

Allow these wonderful feelings to begin filling your body, your essence, displacing the unwanted thoughts. Like pulling down the plunger on a syringe draws the liquid into it, allow the experience of your awesome thoughts to fill and become intimate with your every cell.

This is your new, MOST-healing medicine.

How do you feel now? Any traces of the “yuckies” left? If so, decorate your “picture” with even more lovely details: colors, sensations, fragrances, tastes – these all make your picture even more powerful.

And if that unwanted memory ever pops up its ugly head again, don’t despair. Instead, simply take a moment to displace it with your AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL scene. It’ll happen much more quickly for you the second time.

Please note that I am NOT asking you to repress your feelings. It is mui importante for you to feel your feelings in the moment they occur. Even nasty emotions will run their course through your body and dissipate in a couple of minutes or less, if they are not resisted (It’s a chemical thing – you can look it up if you want).

But returning to horrible memories again and again? Do you really want to dwell there? Because your body doesn’t know the difference between an actual 3rd dimensional occurrence and the memory of that event. And it will respond chemically in exactly the same way in either case.

I promised I’d touch on the benefits that forgiveness holds for the forgiv-EE.

Maybe this “perpetrator” remembers what he did to you. Maybe not.

Maybe he regrets it and wants your forgiveness.

Or… maybe not. That’s really not your concern.

And as a loving child of your Loving Creator, do you really desire to shackle this person, however horrible, with your un-forgiveness? After all, what does that make you?

YOU will have become the perpetrator (they don’t call this life a WHEEL for nothing).

So truly, your best option all around is to forgive – yourself and others – and then let it go. Fuggitaboutit. “Forgive and forget” is all about releasing the bonds of unwanted memories and events.

Turns out, they’re not just two sides of the same coin; they are the very SAME THING!